Brad: Does Kevin want to get a drinkie? Does he??
Kevin: Kevin has to workie.
Brad:Ohh..that makes Brady-Brad saddy.
Kevin: Does Bubby-wubby want lunchies?
Brad: Braddy wants bite-bites! Braddy does! Does Kev-kev want bite-bites?
I could keep this up but honestly, I’m feeling rather nauseous right now. If someone spoke to you this way you would probably look at them like they have 3 heads, right? Well that is exactly how my daughters look at the many people who try to speak to them that way. Even my 2 year old acts like the person has lost their mind (good chance she’s right) and they are beneath her. You see, we have never talked to them like this. From the time our children are born we speak to them like they are people, because….get this…they ARE people. There is no reason to speak to a child, even an infant, like they’re a…a…oh, honestly there is nothing in this world that deserves being talked to like that. It really is quite gross.
Now, if we can briefly step aside from the point of how disgusting this “language” is and how it makes my skin crawl, let’s talk about speech development. I have no degree or formal education in speech development or any related field but stick with me here. If you talk like a moron to your child they will in turn talk like a moron. It’s really not that complicated. You spend years ooing and gooing over them (if you speak to them at all as infants) and saying things like, “Daddy is going to workies but here is your milkies and look at those floweries.” (*gag) So your child, in turn, calls food bite-bites and ends everything with “-ies” (*gag) and somehow you find this cute…for now. Then they are suddenly entering school and speaking like a moron talking to a baby and now you have to re-teach them how to talk so they don’t get ostracized at recess. It’s a lot harder to teach the right way to say things after you have been encouraging the wrong way for years.
Do you see how this all could be avoided if you would speak to your child, and those around you, like people? And I mean you need to do this from the moment they are born. Narrate their life for them before they ever seem to know what is happening. I have had many people stare at me like I am crazy for speaking to my infant child in the store and telling them about what we are doing and seeing. I would also like to point out that each of my children has had constant compliments on how well they speak and how early on they do so. All four of them. I recently watched my 2 year old argue with a 4 year old over the proper pronunciation of “banana”. My 2 year old was right, the 4 year old’s parents talk baby-talk to her.
Remember, as wonderfully adorable and squishy as our children are, they will someday be adults. Please don’t turn them into vomit-inducing, moron-speaking adults. It is not even cute when kids do it, less so when adults do.
And if that tittle didn’t make you throw up a little in your mouth you may be one of the people I am talking about.