Lean Green Mommy Machine

Thoughts on health, wellness, living green and motherhood

The Moment That Changed My Heart

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We women and girls can tend to be very hard on ourselves. We expect to be perfect, like the women and girls portrayed in the media. We constantly criticize ourselves for being too fat, too thin, too pale, too curly, too straight.
Too much.
Not enough.
Not good enough.

And somehow, when even unprompted compliments wash over us, we simply can not believe we are enough. That we are beautiful.
All of us.
Being an adult and a mom doesn’t make that go away. In fact the changes my body has seen after 4 kids have made it worse.
When will we stop? When will we see God’s love in ourselves and realize who we really are?
When you have a moment.
Mine happened this past week…

I was laying on the floor playing with my youngest daughter, Poppy, who is 4. It was just she and I. Tickling. Laughing. Playing.
We lay there at one point, holding hands. I looked down at her hand in mine and here is what happened in my brain, “My hand looks so old. I see some spots there. Age spots. I just look old. Worn.”
And then in the very next moment, God spoke to my heart.
I am holding hands with my amazing, wonderful daughter. She tells me I am beautiful. She tells me I sing beautifully (which I do not but this shows how she sees me in her heart). She curls up with me multiple times per day, getting as close as she can, stroking my arm, leg face. She can not get enough of being near me. Loving me. It is pure joy to her heart.
And the only thing I found in that moment, that beautiful moment, was that I did not look good enough.
I truly felt God touch my heart right then. I felt something change.
I AM good enough. God placed me here for these girls. To be their mother, love them, guide them.
They show me everyday that their love for me is endless and not based on how I match up with an airbrushed supermodel.
I’ve told myself a million times to change how I think but it isn’t that simple. I needed God to speak into my heart in that moment.
And he did.

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Author: leangreenmommy

Hi, I'm Sonia! I'm the mom of 4 wonderful daughters and wife to one amazing man, trying to live a healthier life, care for the earth and just survive the day. When I'm not cooking up new recipes in the kitchen or shuttling kids to soccer, volleyball and lacrosse I run an in-home daycare and am a freelance writer.

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